where are you now?

i'm not sure how often i'll be posting in here. i've never been good with keeping journals and things like that. but i'm going to try and at least post in here 3 times a week. i like the idea of being able to come back years later and read the things that i wrote. i'm sure that everything that seems important now, i'll laugh about later. i mean, isn't that how life works? my life is pretty boring right now. i don't really have many friends. in fact, the only true friend that i have is my couisn endya. the rest are just whishy washy. i have erica, who i guess i consider to be my best friend. but lately she's been annoying me. she's so needy when it comes to boys and stuff like that. she lets them treat them however they want. it's pathetic if you ask me. you should NEVER need to have a guy to make you complete. i'm sorry but if you can't stand on your own, then you're shit outta luck. my other friend 'shontel' is somewhat of a bad influence. she smokes, drinks, parties and all that. and if i'm going to be totally honest, i don't really like her all that much. i think our so called friendship is mostly based on the fact that i use her and she's just too whatever to see it. but somehow i'm the only true friend she has which is actually pretty sad. and mariah? oh lord. i mean i like her. she's okay. and she's a whole lot of fun. but she's rarely ever serious. but i feel like if she could just become more serious then we could be friends again. i really do. she says that she misses me and i guess i miss her too. but idk. i'm not interested in being made a fool of again. for now i'm just approaching her with caution. now, kayla? she's very hard to read. sometimes i feel like she doesn't even like me. and fyi, you're not supposed to feel that way about your friend. but she's so freaking bipolar. one minute she's happy then the next she's sad or angry or whatever. it's like having to walk on eggshells around her because i don't want to upset her. and quite frankly i'm tired of it. so yeah, in a sense i'm all alone. i have some friends at middleburg....but none that i can really talk to or that or worth mentioning. le sigh. i really need to get out and make some new friends. but idk how. :(