i hate feeling anything

okay so today i went to school and got my schedule. i got all the classes i wanted so i can't really complain. also, most of my classes are near eachother so i shouldn't get lost. but the one thing on my schedule that i couldn't find was my lunch? i know they didnt get rid of lunch lol. oh well, it's not like i really eat that crap anyways. i'll just bring a butt load of snacks and a bottle of water.

1st period: A.P. Psychology
2nd period: English 4 Honors
3rd period: Chemistry Honors
4th period: A.P. Economics
5th period: Law Studies
6th period: Algebra 2

i don't know what's wrong with me. :/ i have this thing were i like someone and when i finally tell them, either nothing happens or something happens but it doesn't go anywhere. i have a tendency to like guys that i dont really know all that well. (so i guess i cant really say that i like them? i think i just liked who i thought they were because once i got to know them, it was on to the next one.) but now things are different. i like someone that i know. someone that i've known since the 9th grade but never really gave a second thought. he used to date my ex (current?) best friend but they werent really serious. to me it seemed like she was trying too hard and he wasn't trying hard enough. there was a time when they were dating that mariah (the friend) pretended to be me and texted him from my phone. she was saying things like how i liked him and wanted to date him and have him break up with mariah. he believed it and actually went along with it. she got pissed and he tried to convince her that he didn't mean any of it. at the time i still didn't think of him in that way....or maybe i did but i didn't realize it. my friend shontel told me that she thinks that me and him would be a better fit than him and mariah were. that we'd be good for eachother.

he isn't the best looking guy in the world. but idk, i like him. but i keep fighting my feelings for him. it's not because i'm afraid of what could happen. it's because i'm afraid of what will happen when it all ends. that is, if it even begins. i keep saying that i'm hiding my feelings because he used to date a friend of mine. but honestly? i could care less about that.